No Moments of Zen or Train Wreck Hill Gazing in 09?

Viacom and TimeWarner Cable are in a bit of a public spat as we close out 2008 after Viacom asked for a raise in its fees for 19 of its channels, including Comedy Central, MTV and VH1. This means that NYC may lose TV-access to its beloved folk heroes Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, and in almost as big of a tragedy, we'll miss out on the premier of our very own Real World Brooklyn. An auspicious start to 2009 indeed. Thank goodness for Hulu and Boxee's Apple TV hacks.

Damon Weaver Wants to Interview the President

This precocious 10-year old is on a quest to interview Barack Obama during the week of his inauguration. Godspeed.

I'm Puzzled, Can You Help Me With Something?

While some might not appreciate the art of the puzzle, or the need to unwind with others, but iminlikewithyou has created a fairly ingenious collaborative puzzle. An easy and mindless way to while away a few minutes, or get through a boring conference call. They even give you a widget to track how much cumulative time you waste on the sight. Oh me, oh my.

It's Been Asked Before, But What the Heck Happened to Mickey Rourke?

I'm heading to see The Wrestler along with everyone else, but I've just got reflect on what this man did to his face. He was hot back in the day. Now he looks like he got chewed up and spit out by a meat grinder. Take your vitamins, kids (but not the steroids kind) and stay away from the knife. Sheesh.


Afternoons Delight Me Too

Dammit! Now None of Us Can Make it Snow!

The viral video posted of the distraught Alpha Chi sorority sister has been taken down by the authorities. Dagnabbit. Now you'll never know her sorrow. Instead, you can watch the response of this particular gentleman who chose to spend 4+ minutes of his life responding to her.



I Just Wanted It To Snow!

[Video apparently removed - Boo. It was a beaut.]

One More Thing, I'm Paying By Check...

A worthy successor to "Dick in a Box", Samberg's latest music video explores the musical depth of 80s pop rock.

I Don't Think France is a Country, Is It?

Oh Kelly Pickler. You're just the gift that keeps on giving aren't you?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Jack Black Jesus Says Gay Marriage Will Save The Economy!

... and I believe him! Or at least believe that the Prop 8 ban was ridiculous. Let's all do something about it. Join the Impact!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

And This is Why I Left DC...

The Daily Beast pulled together the "hottest" members of Obama's transition team. No wonder I ran from DC, if this is the best they have to offer. Lord, Almighty.

Do Me Baby?

This new site claims to be able to analyze a blog and spit out what kind of blog it is. Typealyzer says that Holland Tunnel is a Doer:

ESTP - The Doers

The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.





November's Raining Some Good Tunes

It's New Music Monday and I thought I'd share with you some hot new bands. Check out DC's own Middle Distance Runner, CMJ stars the Spinto Band, and some other highly recommended song spinners: the Muslims, Passion Pit, Tobacco and Delta Spirit.


Broccoli Haters No More

How could anyone hate broccoli when prepared like this? Hmmm... yummy. Damn skippy.



Craig Koketsu’s Broccoli & Cheetos

FOR THE BROCCOLI
3 large heads of broccoli, stems peeled and cut into 1/4-inch discs; florets cut into small pieces
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon red chile flakes
3 tablespoons butter
Salt to taste

FOR THE CHEESE SAUCE
1 quart heavy cream
2 tablespoons chopped shallots
2 tablespoons garlic, chopped
10 black peppercorns
1 bay leaf
2 cups aged Gouda, grated
1 cup Parmesan, grated
Salt to taste
1/2 9-ounce bag of Crunchy Cheetos

FOR THE BROCCOLI: Blanch florets and stems in boiling salted water for 3 minutes. Remove and shock in ice water. Cool and drain. Place large sauté pan over medium-high heat. Add olive oil, garlic, and chile flakes and sweat, being careful not to brown garlic. Add butter and melt fully into oil. (1) When the butter and oil begin to bubble, add broccoli and sauté until heated through. Adjust seasoning with salt and reserve broccoli on a paper-towel-lined plate. FOR THE CHEESE SAUCE: In a heavy-bottomed saucepan, reduce cream with shallots, garlic, peppercorns, and bay leaf until it thickly coats the back of a spoon. Remove from heat and whisk in cheeses until fully melted. Adjust seasoning with salt. (2) Strain sauce through fine-mesh strainer and keep warm in a bain-marie. Crush the Cheetos in the bag into pebble-size bits with a rolling pin. to serve: Pour warm sauce into a large serving dish. Arrange broccoli on top of sauce. (3) Top with crushed Cheetos. Serves 6 to 8.

Its.A.New.Day

November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month, So Get Aware!

November is the annual Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month, so this year, in honor of my father, my family is raising money once again for PanCAN... oh, and running a little Turkey Trot 5K before consuming mass quantities of cooked bird and carbs. You can donate here. Gobble, gobble.

Obsession Overhaul - From Obama to Puppies?

Okay, probably not, but I do think its odd that this live stream of puppies sleeping (at least for the 15 seconds I could manage to watch) has become a sensation.


My Life Is Now Pathetic and Meaningless


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

The New Blue

Check out NYTime's interactive map of how the country shifted blue in this year's election compared to 2004. (The bluer areas denote a shift to the Democratic side of the ticket, red is a shift right to the Republicans).

Partying in the Streets of San Fran

The San Franciscans were overjoyed on Tuesday night after the election was one by President-Elect Barack Obama. I don't have video of the craziness in the Big Apple, but they were cheering louder than they did when the Giants won the Superbowl!

video

Who Let the Dogs Out?

All's I Gots to Say is....

YES WE DID!!!

You Don't Need to Boo, You Just Have to Vote!

My heart goes out to Barack Obama, and his family, who on the precipice of this great moment in history, has to deal with the loss of his beloved grandmother. God Bless!

Who Knew Palin Was a Star Trek Fan?

At a campaign rally in Ohio today, Sarah Palin commented on Obama and a recently released tape of him speaking to the San Francisco Chronicle about the coal industry:

“And there must be something about San Francisco and he because it’s like I heard on Fox News today, it’s like a truth serum where when he’s there, he seems to be more candid, and remember it was there that he talked about, there you go, the bitter clingers, the cling-ons, all of us, I guess, you know holding on to religion and guns and, um, so something about he being there in San Francisco."

Doggone Good

Setting up my Apple TV yesterday (finally), started watching this podcast from All Songs Considered. I'm really digging the Dr. Dog. Check em out their set.

A Message from Joe Case-Pack

See more Thomas Haden Church videos at Funny or Die

Don't Let Up, Pedal Hard Through the End

Obama's Most Important Endorsement Yet

The Vet Who Did Not Vet

Bless dear Andrew Sullivan for posting such a treasure trove of bits and bobs in these waning days of the election.

Forget Being Gramatically Correct, Why Can't This Woman Speak in Complete Sentences?!

Sarah Palin explaining to Sean Hannity how the RNC didn't really buy *her* $150,000 worth of clothes that they in fact bought for her (from Fox News):

This evening when Sean Hannity interviewed the Alaska governor, she explained the purchases.

“The RNC spending money on clothes–those clothes are not my property. We had three days of using clothes that the RNC purchased. If people knew how Todd and I and our kids shop so frugally. My favorite shop is a consignment shop in Anchorage, Alaska called Out of the Closet and my shoe store is called Shoe Fly in Juneau, Alaska. It is not a you know–it is not 5th Avenue type of shopping.” Palin said, “But RNC purchasing some clothes that are either returned or they are going to charity. It is not my property.”

You Heard It Here First... A Vote for John McCain, Is A Vote for George W. Bush

McCain Attack Ads, Reinvented

Vote for Hope, Hip-Hop Style

Thanks to KJ for pointing this one out.

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

F*#$, All Y'all

Last week, Jon Stewart had some harsh words in reaction to Sarah Palin's comments about small town Americans the only real pro-Americans. The other night, he clarified.

Pour Me Some Sugar, Man

Heard this little ditty from Rodriguez this morning on way back from the gym. "Sugar Man" is a fantastic tune. Apparently recorded by Rodriguez in the 1970s, it was wildly under appreciated - in the US - when originally put out and now it's just been remastered and rereleased. Definitely worth a spin or tune on the iPod harddrive.

Boybama Woos The White Mamas

West Side Mac vs. PC Story

It's a bloody fight to the finish!

Two More Nerve Wracking Weeks... Find Out Where to Vote

She Got Lost in a Corn Maze

Tina Fey provides some color to David Letterman on how she feels about impersonating Sarah Palin... hint: "She kills things."

Ack! I Forgot to Say "Off With His Head!"


I'm not even sure I have the wherewithal to imagine why this photo came to be taken.

It's Melting!

After driving down and back to Baltimore/Virginia this weekend, we spent a lot of the car time listening to some very scary and very informative podcasts on the global financial meltdown, as well an astounding Bill Moyers interview with professor, and retired US Army colonel, Andrew Bacevich on the imperial presidency. I would highly recommend taking a listen to some of the following on your next workout, drive to work, or car trip. Also, both The Money Meltdown and NPR's Planet Money promise to be a great resources for the latest and greatest on the financial crisis.


The Good Times Are Killing Me

Sequoia Capital gave a now infamous talk to the CEOs of the companies in its investment portfolio. It's a grim, and very realistic take, on what start-ups are going to face in the next couple of years. Speaking of... anyone have the number for that truck driving school?

CEO_ALL_HANDS_10-7-08_FINAL - Free Legal Forms

The Sky Is Falling! Okay, Maybe Not, But the Dow Is...

Holy jeezo flip. The Dow is down below 9,000 today. Stupid short sellers.

I haven't decided which go-to harbinger of gloom and doom I prefer to track this global meltdown but ClusterStock is doing the trick in the meantime.

All Obama, All The Timeline

Keep up to date on all the latest Obama news, speeches, etc. at Dipity Election Center

Never Mess With A Thai Woman

Ouch!

Sarah Palin Loves the Facebook Too!


You Can Do It While You're Pooping...

Register to vote, if you haven't already. Given that Holland Tunnel only has 5 readers, feel like I'm doing my duty here.

ACL 2008, Redux

Alright, alright. Another successful Austin City Limits Music Festival. Great tunes were heard, yummy food was consumed, an overabundance of queso was ingested, and the dust made a bit of a reappearance.

Here's a recap of the highlights and the lowlights:


Yeasayer - caught the tail end of these boys from Brooklyn. Having seen them twice now, I think they're more of an indoor venue band, but they can still bring it.

Vampire Weekend - the prepsters know how to put on a good show. A hot, sticky afternoon, a cold, sweaty beer, and some "Cape Cod, Kwaasa, Kwassa" - ain't nothing wrong with that. Plus, discovered that "Blake's got a new face".


M. Ward - maybe I was offput by the dust storm off to the side of the WaMu (yes, that WaMu) tent, but couldn't get too much into him. The boys went "in" and enjoyed the show more thoroughly, but I was digging the folding chairs at that point.


Hot Chip - I was all about the Hot Chip, but here's where the sound bleed was a bit of an issue. They just didn't seem loud enough.

Jenny Lewis - We headed over to catch the tail-end of Ms. Jenny "Short Skirt" Lewis. Not too bad, but not too memorable either.

Swell Season - While mellow, I thoroughly enjoyed the evening performance of the new band, formed by Glenn Hansard and Markéta Irglová of "Once" fame. Glenn is such a charming Irish bloke, and Marketa is just plain adorable. Would definitely see them again live.

Manu Chao - A great cap-off to Friday evening. Manu Chao brought a frenetic energy to the festival. We danced through to the end.

Old 97s - Saturday's start to the day with a little hottie Rhett Miller and the Old 97s. Enjoyable, but I actually prefer Mr. Miller's solo acoustic performances of many of the songs. Much more original sounding.


Frattelli's - We checked out the tail end of the Frattelli's - the cute bro trio from Scotland, and of iPod commercial fame. Their songs are uplifting, but best suited to running mixes.


CSS - We skipped off to dip in Barton Springs pool, which was much needed and completely restorative, but I was kicking myself for missing to much of CSS. They kick ass and I'm going to have to find a solo show when they're back state side. Bonus: CSS, which stands for CanseiDeSer Sexy, means "I'm tired of being sexy". Amen.

MGMT - These guys are definitely the band of 2008, but deservedely so. They kick ass, and take names. A racous - if young - crowd, helped the show along and the sound was just right.


Conor Oberst - He's not for everyone, but I really like Conor Oberst (also, performs as Bright Eyes). The kids got heart, and lyric-writing charts. He definitely doesn't break out of genre, but he's got stuff to say, so I'll keep listening.


Iron & Wine - These guys won points for being best show of ACL 2006, but this year they sounded a bit too spacey. I'll just keep my memories of yesteryear in tact and continue to listen to them in a dark room with my ear phones in.

New Movie Preview: "Mrs. Ice President"

Parker Posey's Dog Just Jumped On Me

Hopped into the Mac repair store to pick up my defunct Time Machine and pick up a spare power adapter ($85 freaking dollars!), when this vicious dog jumped on me, and I turned around to see Parker Posey picking up the hairball, and gently admonishing her. Then she told me she loved my boots. Okay, not really. But despite the fact the little furry loot is a she-devil with a tail, apparently Parker's ex, Ryan Adams, penned a tune for wee Gracie.

Miss South Carolina vs. Ms Heartbeat Away from the Presidency

And I'm not posting this to cast any aspersions on Palin's beauty queen credentials. But c'mon... even Miss South Carolina answered her questions with crib notes.

We Didn't Suspend Our Democracy for Pearl Harbor!

Berating of McCain's cockamany campaign suspension move in a Scottish brogue is even more entertaining.

It's About Time to Visit Grandma

... or so says Sarah Silverman.


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Dude, When did CB Get So Feisty?

Foreign Policy By Cheat Sheet. Really?

Katie Couric talks about her interview with VP candidate, Sarah Palin. Throughout the excerpts of the interview shown, Palin repeatedly looks down at her crib sheet of talking points. Katie looks... unimpressed.

Someone's Putting Something Into His Metamucil

Someone wasn't so impressed that John McCain cancelled his Letterman appearance last night.


Earlier in the show, Dave kept saying, "You don't suspend your campaign. This doesn't smell right. This isn't the way a tested hero behaves." And he joked: "I think someone's putting something in his metamucil."

"He can't run the campaign because the economy is cratering? Fine, put in your second string quarterback, Sarah Palin. Where is she?"

"What are you going to do if you're elected and things get tough? Suspend being president? We've got a guy like that now!"

See more below.



She Ain't No Delicate Flower

You go, girl (Campbell Brown, that is)! Free Sarah Palin!

And While You're At It, Why Not Tell the Gov't to Lay Off

















President Bush's proposed regulatory changes will block women's access to care and critical information. The new proposed Department of Health & Human Services regulations will let health care providers define abortion, which could threaten access to birth control and broader reproductive health care, and allow federal funding for so-called "crisis pregnancy centers" that refuse to inform patients of or provide patients with a full range of reproductive health care options.

Join together to defeat this new rule in order to ensure access to accurate, comprehensive health care, including birth control and abortion services, for every person who needs it.

Think About Exxon's Feelings For Once In Your Life

It's a Race Against Time, We've Lost Ours, But Can Stop Others

We lost our fight last September, when my father passed away from pancreatic cancer. Now, we need to race to save others.

Stop Referring to My Cankles!

We're Gonna Govern Like It's 1982

This Would Have Been Way More Entertaining

If She Shoots You in the Face, It's Because She Was Aiming At You

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

More Like a Really Bad Disney Horror Movie, Really

Bill Gates Shakes His Moneymaker

Yeah, it's still no Mac vs. PC, but random enough to be vaguely entertaining.

Oh Hypocrisy, Sweet, Sweet Hypocrisy

And This Is Why I Love My New Job...













For those of you following closely, I've been spending a good deal more time these days down southways, by way of Atlanta, for my job. Last week, I got to experience the grandest of Atlanta institutions, lunch at the
Waffle House. If you've never experienced the Waffle House, all you really need to know about this dining establishment is that they're ubiquitous throughout the southeast, they're famous for calling out orders, short-cook-style, they serve hashbrowns about 5,000 different ways, and they only have one kind of cheese, American. But the joy I received from my plate of Turkey Melt and hashbrowns (smothered, covered and peppered, thank you), was multiplied after I got to watch this little gem --> Enjoy.

Just a Heartbeat Away... Very Reassuring.

There is such a rich treasure trove of evidential support for her candidacy, but I just thought I'd offer up a little sampler from the words of her own adviser...

Ain't No Party Like My Nana's Tea Party

Tiger Walks on Water

I suppose I believed it to a certain extent, now there's proof...

Well, okay, just a clever advertising pitch from EA. Not to get all B-school Bingo on y'all, but impressive user engagement in this ad.

Walking in Spirit...

My Muxtape Is All Tangled, I'm Going Old School with 8tracks

Yup, word on the street is that Muxtape has been shut down by those cretins at the RIAA. Good thing my buddy DP is on the case, having officially launched his great new service, 8tracks just last week. Best thing about 8tracks - aside from all the great music - is that it's completely legal taking advantage of some obscure provision from the DMCA. Take that, whitey! Check out my 8track mixes here or here.

Say It Ain't So, H Po?

No Harry Potter movie until next summer! Outrageous. Inconceibable. And all because Time Warner is already anticipating having to pad its '09 numbers? What cruelty? Where's the heart? The passion? Where's my HP Thanksgiving treat? Dagnabbit.

No Celebrities in Pancreatic Cancer

All Together Now... Y to the N to the BK to the R

And what a week it was. No, I'm not talking about the smoldering war in Georgia, the Edwards affair or even the start of the 2008 Olympics... I'm talking Concert-fest '08. Monday night, B, Xtian, E and I enjoyed a balmy evening of Yeasayer and The National up at Central Park SummerStage. It was a good show, but not great, in my opinion. I liked the tunes, but they didn't fill up the space. A few breakout songs made the trek north of 14th well worth it like the encore version of "Fake Empire", but otherwise, I was a tad underwhelmed.

On Thursday, B and K and I kicked it up a notch at McCarren Park Pool in Williamsburg with a pitch perfect performance by The Black Keys. I still can't get over how two white guys from Akron, Ohio put out such big sound. With heat lightening illuminating the fluffs of clouds behind the stage, and an eclectic output of their repetoire, it was a strong evening. Those guys always seem to be having a great time. Shame this is the last summer for shows at the pool... fantastic venue.

Last night was the denouement to Concertfest '08. B and I ferried over in the late afternoon to Liberty State Park for a little APW action. A great space to be sure with fantastic views of the Statue of Liberty and lower Manhattan. Less props for the draconian beer rules: 5 per person per day, drinking allowed only in the beer gardens and last call at 8:30p. Call me a lush, but I like me some suds when I rock out. Anyhoo, after a little lilty New Porn (minus Neko Case a lot less exciting), we succumbed to some state-park law-inspired binge drinking, and then staked some ground for Radiohead. My first time seeing those kids, and I was as giddy as a little fangirl. The set - over two hours - was energetic and inspired from "15 Step" to "Everything in its Right Place" at the end of the second encore. The lighting and camerawork was transfixing during the evening show (thank goodness since that's most of what I could see... damn skippy I'm short). Like BK the night before, Radiohead performed a wide selection of their catalogue and cemented, in my mind, that Thom Yorke, small and scrawny though he may be, is a frontman to rival Bono or Chris Martin. All Hail for Radiohead.

At Least She Has a Sense of Humor.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Montauk Monster Mystery Solved!!

damn skippy... who woulda thunk it?

We Gonna Done Part that Red Sea

The Britney and Paris comparison ads weren't goofy and desperation-smacking enough. Now, we're comparing Obama to Moses. I'm not sure this even helps his case.

Can We Time Warp to January 09 + Obama Already?

Yesterday, we learned that the Bush administration - instead of worrying enough about troops in Afghanistan, looking to reverse our record deficit or do anything helpful in anyway whatsoever to stem global warning - decides to get some more anti-abortion laws on the books before they slip off into infamy. As the WSJ reported:

"The Bush Administration has ignited a furor with a proposed definition of pregnancy that has the effect of classifying some of the most widely used methods of contraception as abortion. A draft regulation, still being revised and debated, treats most birth-control pills and intrauterine devices as abortion because they can work by preventing fertilized eggs from implanting in the uterus. The regulation considers that destroying "the life of a human being.""
Why don't we just slap the cuffs on half the single women from 20-34 and call it a day? As long as we make sure Viagra is still covered on our insurance plans.

Now, today, we learn of two more fun facts.

First, our friends in Bentonville are warning of impending disaster if [when, praise the Lord] Obama wins the presidency. Store managers around the country have called meetings with employees to tell them that a vote for the Democratic nominee is tantamount to a vote for pro-union legislation. Now, I'm no flag-waving, card-carrying union fan, but damn if those Wal-Mart greeters shouldn't be able to unionize should they want, and they shouldn't have to be subjected to employer pressure about whom they should cast their vote.


Then, in a move that would make George Orwell beam with pride, the Department of Homeland Security has disclosed that they have the "right" to snag your laptop when you're going through the airport security for any reason - or no reason. Now that's an excuse and a half for why you haven't been able to turn in your TPS report:
"Federal agents may take a traveler's laptop or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed. Also, officials may share copies of the laptop's contents with other agencies and private entities for language translation, data decryption, or other reasons, according to the policies, dated July 16 and issued by two DHS agencies, US Customs and Border Protection and US Immigration and Customs Enforcement"
Oh, Baby Lord Jesus, please save us.

We Got The Spirit, Yes We Do, We Got The Spirit, How 'Bout You?

A and R and B and I went to see Spiritualized on Saturday night at Music Hall of Williamsburg. Hadn't listed to the band much before, but now it's on permanent rotation. Spacey, rocking, soulful, Spiritualized is incredibly uplifting. Frontman Jason Pierce got in a terrible car accident while recording their latest album, Songs in A&E, and the songs reflect the pain and triumph of recovery he must of gone through. I think you all should get some Spirit. Or at least listen to a live set here.

I Love Me Some Harry Potter

These keep getting darker and darker... good times.

R.I.P. - How Am I Going to Procrastinate Now?

Facebook has taken down Scrabulous. This is a tragedy of immense proportions. Blurgh.

W.W.Wow

Can't decide if this is going to be train wreck, or utterly fascinating.

You Say Elitist, I Say Look In the Mirror

Really, really? You say you might not support Barack Obama because you believe he's an elitist? What might you be? Maybe being a "lady", having a 3,200 acre estate, being best mates with Tony & Cherie Blair, and owning part of The Economist, doesn't get you an elitist title in some circles, but I'm hard pressed to understand your finger-pointing at my man, BO.

Drown the Rat Bastard


Okay, okay! I'm glad it was just a simulation. But sometimes, I do think about stuffing Hitchen's mouth with a cloth just to shut him up.

Dancing in the Streets, and by the Fjords, and in the Desert...


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Let The Wind Take Our Troubles Away

Oh the Poor Yahoos!

NYC Keepin' It Real, Yo

I didn't shout it from the rooftops, or Gawker Stalker it, but I did see Ms. "Um, Yeah I live in The Hills" Whitney Port the other night. She was sashaying up to a hotel room at the SoHo Grande (does she live there, or was she about to canoodle with her companion?). No, I was going to keep this B-list sighting close to the vest - at least until Heidi-less Season 4 of course. But now I hear that lovely is set to bring more reality to Gotham with her very own show. I'm more excited than when the rest of the Real Housewives got to stick it to Ramona in the season re-cap session.

And now, they've revealed that the skank-cast of Season 432 of Real World - Brooklyn Edition - will be living in "Fort Green". I'm ready for a W'burg hipster v. Real World ass clown shake down.

I Don't Give A Hoot About What You Think

Carl, What Makes You Tick?

I know... I've been getting a little too frou-frou pink on you all. Time for some nut-busting.

Fine, I Admit It!

Fech... I've been in denial for 10 years, but it's now so abundantly clear after a Sunday afternoon in a place more estrogen-laden than the David's Bridal 50%-off sale. I'm friggin Miranda. And it's not a distressing thought just because she's everyone's least favorite, her fire engine red hair is nauseating, or that her teeth may be worse than Kirsten Dundst's...

Now comfortably in my fourth decade, I've become woefully honest with myself. (Or maybe I finally listened after years of the sibs telling me how abjectly priggish I am). Miranda is an uptight, know-it-all. She's quick to judge. Yeah, yeah, she's a good friend, and smart and talented and all, but still... gross, that reflection in the mirror is uh-ugh-ly. But admitting you have a problem is the first step.

At least the movie was highly entertaining. No, it won't change your life. But it won't make you hate it, either. Plus, there's a shit joke in there... something, even, for the boys.


No Gentlemen, Eating Luna Bars Will Not Make You More Bodacious

[Filed under Fun Fact Filled Fridays, Cross-referenced with inquiring Minds Want to Know]

From Chow, we've settled the age-old question: "Will Eating Luna Bars Make Guys' Breasts Grow?" Lessley Anderson dug up this helpful answer.
Clif Bar, manufacturer of the Luna nutrition bar—marketed “for women”—is asked this question all the time. The concern is baseless, however. Luna bars, which come in flavors including Lemon Zest, S’mores, and Dulce de Leche, contain no estrogen or other hormones that might cause men to grow mammary glands. They’re for women because they’re fortified with nutrients females typically need more of, or sometimes have a hard time getting in their diets. These include folic acid, calcium, iron, B vitamins, and fiber.

For example, women (and men) between the ages of 19 and 50 need 1,000 to 1,200 milligrams of calcium per day: the equivalent of three glasses of milk. Luna bars contain as much calcium as one glass of milk. But women tend to diet more than men, says Tara DelloIacono Thies, nutrition strategist for Clif Bar, and “calcium seems to go first, because they’re drinking less milk and eating fewer dairy products.” Folic acid is a form of vitamin B found in fruits and vegetables that’s also necessary to both sexes. But it’s particularly crucial for women trying to get pregnant, because a folic acid deficiency can cause birth defects. Men won’t suddenly find themselves expecting a child after consuming a Luna bar, either, just in case you’re wondering.

I guess this means it won't help A-cuppers become D-cuppers either anytime soon?

Carol Anne, Turn Away From The Light!

and yet like a car wreck -- so awful, we just can't turn away...

Try And Argue With Me Now, Suckas

A few of my faithful readers like to goad me, push me, prod me, poke me until I react. Sometimes I'm forced in response to issue a fatwa against mentally stilted op-ed writers for the Washington Post. Sometimes I'm compelled to spew invective against Borat-haters. (Happy to share my return salvos, upon request). But now, perhaps I'll just save my energy on these arguments, and call everyone "ass-clowns". Or borrowing heavily from FSJ, and tell them that they're being "frigtards".

(Namaste and thanks Paul Graham, for the handy new argument tool-set).

Anatomy of a Hangover

The New Yorker's Joan Acocella deemed this week to write an expose on one of our baser problems, The Hangover. From the first time one of our "friends" woke up in her front yard feeling like there were construction workers drilling her asphalt brain, we swore in solidarity that we'd never get that drunk again. Later in college, after K-Dog and I thought chasing vodka (good enough to be stored warm under her dorm room bed in a plastic bottle) with diet coke before going to keg parties was a smashing idea, and then found out the next day that we should have been demerited several IQ points for that line of reasoning, we again issued a declaration of moderate temperance. Yet, over the years, we've done away with the fallacy that we'll ever give up the drink.


Nowadays, we sometimes wholeheartedly embrace The Hangover's effects; like, for example, when we're planning to attend baby showers in New Jersey as the sole single - and we're told, nearly barren - women. So it is with admiring appreciation that we read Ms. Acocella's piece. Though it reaches no definite conclusions, and goes into only surface analysis as to why there is no cure for The Hangover, I've pulled out some of the more lucious nuggets.

How to say "I'm Hungover" in several language (the translated version):
  • "still drunk" - Egyptian
  • "two days drunk" - Japanese
  • "drunk overnight" - Chinese
  • "smacked from behind" - Swedish
  • "made of rubber" - Scandanavians
  • "wooden mouth", or "hairache" - French
  • "tomcat" - German, Dutch
  • "howling of kittens" - Polish
  • "carpenters in the forehead" - Danish
Most Common Cure For The Hangover -- Hair of the Dog, of course

The Three (Non-Alcohol-Related) Stages of Preventing The Hangover (and their various, and wholly unproven, cures):

1.) Before/While Drinking
  • drink lots of water
  • eat a heavy meal
  • drink a glass of milk
2.) Before Bed
  • water
  • vitamin C
  • make yourself puke
3.) The Next Morning
  • water
  • the greasy meal: Denny's breakfast, McDonald's hamburgers
  • drink a six-pack of Coke
  • the Scots swear by Im-Bru
  • Indians love buttermilk
  • Aspirin
  • Alka-Seltzer
  • Vitamin C
  • Vitamin B
  • And a host of pharmaceutical solutions: Chaser, NoHang, BoozeEase, PartySmart, Sob'r-K
  • Our money is on RU-21
  • Our safety card is fountain diet-Coke from McDonald's. Nectar of the Gods, we tell ya.
So, now maybe we'll mix it up for our next Hangover - which I'm predicting in approximately 80 hours.



I Told You Sweden Rocks...

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